lavished

The past few days have left me feeling very emotional. I read 1 John 3:1 “See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!”

That verse found its way into a dark corner of my heart.  A corner that I think God wants to make bright and no longer allowing it to be a Satan to torment me corner.

Growing up I didn’t feel love.  As an adult I came to learn and understand what kept my mother from being able to mother me,  love me.  I’ve come to not allow with things that have happened to me to dictate my responses but one of the hardest things for me to come to terms with, understand, is the lack of love I received as I grew up.  Over the years I have asked myself why.  I’ve asked God why.  Why?  Growing up I internalized it and felt I wasn’t lovable, a bad kid, I made things difficult for others.  The list goes on but basically, in my heart, I believed that there was something inside me that kept me from being lovable, keeping others from loving me.

Many times as an adult I still have those feelings and it leaves me feeling like I don’t measure up, that I’m not worth the effort to be loved.  That somewhere there is a standard and I have not met that standard.

But that’s not true.  This scripture doesn’t say “IF” anywhere.  I keep reading through 1 John 3:1-3 and soaking it in.  It’s beautiful to those who know Christ.  To me!  To me this scripture brings healing.

As I study through 1 John I find that I want to know Jesus as John knew Jesus.  I want to have that deep longing to constantly be looking and longing for Him.  Enjoying every moment to be intimate with Christ. To rest my head upon Him and soak in that love, that feeling of belonging.  To feel secure and rejoice in being included, “children of God”!

Anything that has been lacking, feelings, emotions I never received from others but longed for are all complete in Christ.  And not only complete but lavished upon me.  God’s great love is lavished upon me, upon you!

Thank you Jesus.

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