friendship (2)

I am still thinking about the wonderful friendship between David and Jonathan.  The closeness, the vulnerability, keeping their friendship before God (1 Samuel 20:42).

It can be very scary for me to have someone in my life that close to me.  Almost 14 years ago I married my best friend.  We’ve had some great times and some numerous very not so great times.  Because of my past I have had several thousands times that I have had to work through my thoughts and heart issues and be close and vulnerable with my husband.

I have two girlfriends that I am close with.  They know my heart and daily I work at being close and vulnerable with them.  My nature is to keep the thoughts of my heart to myself.  I could easily isolate myself and not allow anyone near the innermost thoughts of me.

Then God began to bother me about writing a blog.  An online journal that would be on the internet, for everyone to see.  Writing, exposing my heart.  I gave every excuse that I could think of.  I’m not educated!  I only took a semester at college before I decided to go to work instead.  I’m not a writer!  I’m not elegant in speech, heck, half the time my foot is in my mouth!  Trust me when I tell you that I apologize A LOT!!

But those who know me encouraged me to see it through.  Fear strikes me every time I hit the publish button.  Afraid that I have exposed myself too much.  Afraid that I’m going to be rejected.  Afraid that I won’t get it right.  Afraid that you will see me and my heart and see the sin of my past and present.

Honestly, my heart longs for the friendship that David and Jonathan had.  To have those around me that I can count on.  My husband, my two girlfriends, to have their hearts never to turn away from me and for my heart to always be there for them.  Don’t we all long for that?  Do we all have that?  Because of their closeness to me I have found that I have been able to get closer to God.

I have so much more to learn.  So much farther to grow.

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